Finding identity in a piece of pie

This place triggered a connection for me, to identity, to heritage, and to a realization that cooking is more than a hobby. It's part of who I am as a person, my expression of being in this world.

If you’ve read my blog for a while, you know that personal culinary identity is something I've struggled with. I don't know why it matters to me. Part of being a home cook is the freedom to make whatever you want, whenever you want. Still, I feel an intense draw toward going deep into something when it comes to cooking. Maybe it's the fact that my career has led to a place where I'm a generalist and the kitchen is the one place I feel like I have the most control.

Last week, we had company in town for a dance event that DeAnna was putting on. I got the chance to be more intentional about cooking for a few days and was overall pretty happy with what hit the table. While chatting over dinner one evening, one of our guests asked what I would do if I had to choose one cuisine or category of food to focus on, as if I were intending to open a shop. Previously, I would have said pizza. I mean, I had already put together an idea for a pizza and salad restaurant. However, I realized in that moment that I didn't think that was still my answer. I somewhat jokingly mentioned a cookie food truck would be fun. The conversation moved on to other topics, but that question has lingered with me since.

On Saturday, we dropped our final guest off at the airport and DeAnna and I spent the afternoon visiting a few places I have been wanting to try. We went to a culinary bookstore, had lunch at an awesome new congee restaurant, and visited a friend's kitchenware store. Sometimes I spend a little too much time at home and forget just how amazing a city Portland is for foodies and cooks. It is deeply part of the culture here, where waiting in line at your favorite brunch spot is part of the experience.

There was one more stop that I had been wanting to try, Lauretta Jean's Pie Bakery. Words will fail me here.

The outside of the shop reminds me a little of Bouchon Bakery. It has an ultra cute awning that screams bakery, drawing you inside like a pull toward the light. A promise of a better life inside. The front window is filled with cakes and pies, merely a teaser for what is to be found once you pass through the door.

The inside presents you with even more options. For a moment we found ourselves overwhelmed and debating whether we should get a third piece of pie so that we could try more flavors.

Here's where I am going to get a little woo woo.. I finally had that moment that you read about in chef memoirs where they had that one meal that clarified everything for them. They knew they wanted more. They finally understood themselves better.

Sitting there with coffee and pie triggered this connection for me, to identity, to heritage, and to a realization that, for me, cooking is more than a hobby. It's part of who I am as a person, my expression of being in this world. Being a bit ADHD, I can collect hobbies like stamps, but it was instantly clear that cooking and food is my one thing. Everything else is "just for fun" (or money).

I've been sitting with this in my head since walking in the door of Lauretta Jean’s and I've realized that ultimately it's about country cooking; dishes that otherwise would be at home on the dinner table anywhere in the world. Foods that evoke a sense of place and comfort, being as much about how they make you feel as what is in the dish or how it’s made. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the occasional fine dining experience, but often I've found the simpler meals leave me far more satisfied at the end of the night.

What really struck me was something I've known, but have been internally struggling with since getting more serious about exercise and health.

I'm a baker. Don't get me wrong, I love savory foods and I cook savory far more often than I bake; I mean, you gotta eat. But as far as true enjoyment goes, it's a fresh loaf of bread, a tray of cookies, a cake on a stand, or a warm apple galette with a scoop of vanilla ice cream that creates a sense of contentment within me. I will have to find a balance, yes... but it needs to be balanced.

I do plan to study Patisserie as gaining those skills will only make everything I do better — so don’t be surprised if you see cute little pastries pop up here and there. But, ultimately, I want a dining room full of people helping themselves from family-sized dishes, talking and laughing, and wondering how they will fit in dessert, knowing they WILL fit in dessert.

I'll leave you with the two pieces of pie we ate. The first is Blueberry Victoria (pie AND cake!). The second was a chocolate chess pie with honeycomb on top. Both with the obligatory cup of coffee.